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Thursday, 17 October 2013

Kumpulan Status facebook dan Twitter keren bahasa Inggris

Bingung mau buat status apa di facebook anda, nah kami punya beberapa status yg keren buat anda pajang di FB anda tapi dalam bahasa Inggris neh biar agak keren diliat orang wkwkwkwk.



Kumpulan Status facebook Keren Dalam Bahasa Inggris
- (-_-) x 1.3 Billion people = China

- Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make.




- I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

- The only thing I gained so far in 2013 is weight :)

- I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough ;)

- Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person

- My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol

- Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D

- I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

- No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.

- Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.

- If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.

- My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.

- Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.

- I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.

- H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success

- Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.

- Instead of finding the right man, concentrate on becoming a right woman.


- The difference between being anonymous and being fake is similar to between hiding the truth and telling a      lie.

- Some people come into your life to make you fall in love with songs you had no idea existed. 

- Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure,
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .

   it’s called a credit card.

- I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing..

- I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.

- Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you.

- I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

- I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

- I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

- If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

- When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me..

- The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

- When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. its an endless cycle..

- My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

- That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

- Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

- Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition..

- Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

- Your eye is the only part you can not wash with soap.

- One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.

- You can not get lost on a straight road.

- When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

- When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

-  I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

- Life is too short, smile while you still have teeth.

- Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

- Where there is a will, there are 100 relatives.

- Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

- Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!

- If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

- I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

- Before talking, Please connect the tongue to the brain…

- If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

- Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..

- I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

- Even if you live your life as a open book, people will still wonder which pages have secret messages.

- For every girl without a guy, there`s a guy without a girl.

- Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

- I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!

- You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

- The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do..

- I am a star, so when you see me, make a wish.

- I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.

- That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.

- Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does..

- I`m not single. I`m in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.

- Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?


- Bhagwan ji agar sun rhe ho toh, ek question poochna tha... . .
Mere liye bhi koi 'Awwww' krne wali bnayi h ya bhool gaye... :]Y 

- God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks..

- That moment when the Teacher says, "Those who aren't interested can leave the class"
But Still you can't leave the classroom.. 

- I'm Pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder...!! 

- Freedom of speech is lost when you get into a relationship and she is beautiful..! 

- Checking your phone when someone is talking to you is a modern way of showing disrespect..!!

- When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

- Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)

- Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D

- People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world. x)

- Never argue with an idiot. People watching won't be able to tell the difference.... 

- When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm. \m/

There is no house more beautiful than the house you happily live in.


- Short and meaningful lines: An eye with dust & a heart with trust always cries.

- Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 four times. It’s that easy.

- My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!

- When your GF blocks u on facebook…… Its called an electronic divorce :)

- If people could see the face I make when I read their facebook status updates, they would probably unfriend me.

- I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.

- Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

- Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :)

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a girls brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

- We are the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

- It’s not true that I had nothing ON….. The radio was ON. :)

- There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

- I hate when skinny girls say,”omg I’m so fat”. If you are fat does that make me a whale?

- I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Tuesday.

- The real reason women live longer than men b’coz they don’t have to live with women.

- Don’t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain’t. :)

- Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)

- I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. :)
- Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me. Sincerely Wikipedia

- I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them.

- How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape :)

- Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they are talking?

- FACT: Kissing burns 5.4 calories a minute…… Ummm, wanna work out?

- Whatever you do always give 100% ….. Unless you are donating blood :)

- I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.

- I never let my best friend do stupid things … alone.




- We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up …….. after I finish laughing :)


- I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession. :)

- Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

- Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

- How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

- Dear parents, we know money doesn’t grow on trees, that’s why we are asking you for it.

- I’m not stalker. I am an unpaid private investigator.

- I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.


- Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated :)

- Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

- Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea. It does not enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. Lolz

- I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday :)

- Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

- Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

- Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.


- There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients :)

- Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

- I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

- We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.

- Dear math, Im not therapist so solve your own problems.

- Today’s Joke! A Girl said …….. TRUST ME :)

- The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

- I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot.

- You wanna see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie. Lolz

- Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they will leave you too. 
Sincerely, ORKUT

- Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.


- The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

- My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

- Insert coin to view my status messages.

- Did anyone ever notice that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

- Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

- Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’ :)

- You dont realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them.


- You have lot of curves and I have no brakes ;)

- I haven’t slept for ten days, bcoz that would be too long.

- Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.

- Why do U think I SMS You? Is it because I care? Or I miss You? Or I love You? Or I need You? No ! It’s because I need a person for just time pass. :)

- If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

-I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

- Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.

- I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

- Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…

- Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.

- A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!

- They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?

- Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!

- Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.

- You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.


- Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

- I promised my friends that I wouldn’t date bad girls anymore.

- I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

- Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

- Please help the homeless. Take me home with you.

- My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.

- Insert coin to view my status message.

- If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

- I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.

- It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

- Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. :)

- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

- I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”

- My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.

- Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

- Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?

- Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

- Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

- God must love stupid people. He made SO many.


- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

- If Facebook is like dating, then Twitter is like a one night stand – it’s fun while you’re doing it, you finish in like 5 minutes, and you feel real cheap afterwards.

- Lary is wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can’t they invent a self cleaning house?

- My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz




















Ditulis Oleh : Ilham Rifky // 08:58
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